@Coulingknows 08/04/2015
Before we get going i will take you back to my stance in life a year ago.
I had a lovely 2 bed house with my other half, 2 cracking nippers aged 1 and 4, full time job, good group of mates and everything i wanted in life except a bulging wallet.
I dabbled on the horses on occasions and placed a weekly accumulator on the weekends football. Life was good. Some weekends i drank to excess and visited the holy ground that was the emirates stadium as often as i could. Even took the boy the for the Emirates cup.
One weekend i had a 5 fold come in and it quilted my pocket beautifully with a lovely £390. Very handy at the time as i was a little short that month as a new pushchair for the youngest was needed. I found that even though Betfred paid for the pushchair with my winnings i ended up losing the rest of my winnings. I took a step back i asked myself "how did that happen?" Drew a line and left that little "Mishap" behind me. I was only playing the slots but how can i lose £200 in a 25 minute sitting?
I knew i made a mistake and after feeling like a right mug i was going to make sure i didn't do it again. Still on course for a good summer but no matter how hard i tried i could not shake that feeling of regret after losing that £200. Payday hit and i threw a few quid into one of my online betting accounts as i knew i wouldn't be able to get to the bookies after work. With my current mind set i didn't see that as a blessing but more of a pain in the ass. So 8:45am and i throw in £50 to try and win my money back. At this point i thought this was a good idea and didn't step back and think about it which would have been the correct thing to do.
£50 went in and fuck all came back. Another £50 went in and again fuck all came back. £100 down before 9am on the day i was paid! Instead on conceding the loss i was dying to win the money back as i have already shot myself in the foot. £200 in on a £10 stake. In reality i would never do this. I was throwing £10 notes at something that generates cash for its owner. I called it quits when the account on the site sunk to 0.
So now i am in a situation where i have spent the equilivant of half my rent on nothing. I had lost it.
Cracks started to show as i wouldn't dare tell my other half i have lost that amount of money. She didn't like the idea of gambling so any mention of it normally involved a fall out. So now i cannot tell my partner i have lost a bundle of a cash and i wouldn't really dare tell my mates as i was too emberrassed. The following couple of months panned out exactly the same way.
My partner knew something was up as i was skint ALL THE TIME but i could not get the idea of a winning feature on Deal or No Deal or Rainbow riches out of my head. I just kept thinking "all i need is one feature on a big stake and i could bag anything from £1000 to £5000. What sort of irrational fucking idiot would think in that way. I could not wait to throw money at these machines. I knew it could ruin everything but with the state of my finances that was caused by gambling, i was willing to take the risk as 1 big win would mean i could sweep it all under the carpet and get on with my life with a few quid in my pocket.
The big win never came. The stakes i placed were higher and the pay outs of £100 to £300 was not enough and went straight back into the bookies pocket. I was irrational and the only time i would realize this is when i had nothing left. If i could not click that spin button and make those reels move i know i made a mistake. During this time my relationship broke down and i very rarely went out as i had no money. I was behind on the rent and had to move out from my family home and sleep on a sofa at my step dads.
So from my house with my kids and other half and a good social life. I find myself sleeping on someones sofa, skint with only 2 black bin bags full of clothes to my name. An empty bank account and near on no social life outside of work. I was lonely, full of self hate and you would think things could only get better. They haven't. I moved out last August and thought i would be able to just stop doing what has already taken everything i had worked hard for away. I can only describe it as a drug. You know its bad for you but you cant stop yourself.
I did run a blog called the glass is always half full and with almost 3000 views and my Twitter following increasing by the day, i thought i had found something to keep me occupied. I haven't posted on that for near on 3 weeks now and have sunk to my lowest point yet.
Even though i could not speak to friends to or loved ones i feel sharing my experience and "my story" it may be a read for someone who is also in my position and something can relate to. Its fucking lonely and an awful way to live your life.
But today starts my rehab. I know betting is becoming an everyday thing for most people and i know everyone who does have a flutter with the bookies would have felt the pain of a loss. Just make sure you do Bet responsibly even if they do ram promotions and adverts down your throat during every sporting events and every set of adverts.
Next stop http://www.gambleaware.co.uk
Thanks for reading and if you feel this blog can help anyone you know who is also having troubles, please share. This is the first day to my gambling free lifestyle so i can once again become the twat my friends and family had to learn to love.
#CoulingknowsBetting
No comments:
Post a Comment